Infidelity in Marriages: When Do They Deserve a Second Chance?

Does your marriage deserve a second chance? Discovering that your partner is having an affair might put an end to it but it doesn't fix your married life. What does infidelity in marriages mean for a couple? When two people make a commitment to live together, their commitment is sealed by the marriage vows. These vows are now disregarded and the trust broken. Do you file for divorce right away or do you give your marriage a second chance?

Think twice before taking any hasty decisions that you might regret later. Consider your past together and ask yourself if this is the only time your spouse has deceived you, or if they are a habitual cheater. Broken relationships can be mended by offenders, who take the blame for their shortcomings, who step up and accept responsibility but not by those who shy away from facing the music. Your partner must understand that your relationship can only work out if they change their habits and control their impulses. Nobody can completely change; even if they try it will require time. If your spouse has cheated before, who is to say that it won't happen again? Knowing that the past would keep coming back to haunt you, would you still give your marriage a second chance? When your partner outright refuses to change and instead comes up with justifications for his behavior laying the blame at your door, you should realize that your relationship is going downhill. Straining your mental and physical abilities to produce something which was never there is a waste of time. You can't change your spouse if they don't believe in changing.

Some feel guilty because they took the wrong road, others because they got caught. When your spouse begs you for forgiveness, make sure they are sorry for the right reason. Marriage and children mean responsibility. You share a silent bond with your family that think twice whenever you start to drift away. Obligations and duties bind you and are given preference over personal needs and desires. Your spouse gave up the right to live for their own fulfillment when they entered into marriage with you. Now, since every little selfish act would jeopardize their family, they should try to be more responsible. Help your spouse recognize their mistake. If they feel ashamed, take it as a good omen. However, if your partner is more concerned about getting nailed, then, you'll have to handle the situation differently.

An important thing to figure out is where you stand. After you have been hit hard with your partner's secret affair, do you have strength enough to take your relationship to the next level? What if you suffered another such disaster, will you still possess enough will power to get up, brush yourself off and walk away? Don't let another tragedy cripple you for life. If this revelation has befuddled you, ripped away your peace of mind and made mince out of your self esteem, if you simply can't forgive and forget despite efforts, do not make the wrong decision because it just seems right. Trying to forge your broken relationship would get you to the point where you won't be able to put your trust in another because you are terrified that it could break your heart again. Putting your life on hold for a cheater is unnecessary, not to mention a pointless exercise. If you believe in second chances, how about giving yourself one! Break away and go for a new improved life with someone you can put your faith in. All relationships are unique, some infidelity cases in marriages deserve a second chance and some cases don't!

JAMIE SMALL is a relationship writer. For great information and on infidelity in marriages, visit infidelity in marriages

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6225269

Restaurant Dating Etiquette: Who Pays?

Restaurants often provide an important backdrop where many relationships either begin or end. So why is the dining experience so important? Because it stimulates conversation and people often feel most comfortable sharing their lives over a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine. In addition to romance, a meal is something that most couples will share. So what about etiquette? Who pays? Who chooses the restaurant? Are coupons acceptable? In many instances, the date is structured around whoever is asking.

Unless both parties agree to go Dutch, whoever initiates the date should pay the tab. And selecting the appropriate restaurant should always be a compromise. For instance, if one person is allergic to shellfish, then a date at the local seafood joint is out.

Regarding coupons, this depends on whom you ask. During my bachelor days, I never used coupons because I didn’t want my date to think I was cheap. But then you could also be on a date with someone that admires you as someone trying to save money in a bad economy. So proceed with caution when using a coupon. This author doesn’t recommend using a coupon on the first date, but if you must, then you casually mention that you can use the savings to buy a larger box of popcorn at the movies. Since every date is different, it’s best to use your best judgment, originality and common sense.

Domestic Violence Has No Place In our Society

Fortunately, abused women within the Cincinnati vicinity can acquire support from Women Helping Women, a local organization that provides support services for women involved in abusive relationships. Their website is located at http://womenhelpingwomen.org.

Domestic violence continues to remain a high risk cultural and legal issue that frequently contributes to death and bodily injury. Abusive relationships endanger numerous women throughout America. Not only can a relationship become mentally and physically distressing, it also involves at least one controlling partner. Abusive relationships may also become challenging to leave because of children and economical factors. Abused partners may suffer different forms of abuse: physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, financial, and spiritual.

Abusers frequently produce a hodgepodge of lame excuses for their behavior. They may justify their actions with alcoholism, substance abuse, violent childhoods, or stress. Furthermore, abusive relationships are common among individuals of various cultures, socioeconomic classes and religions; no one is exempt. Both mental and physical abuse from an intimate partner can impact the victim and their children by not furnishing a secure home and creating an environment of fear.

Abusers often deny their behavior or attempt to justify their behavior to anyone who will listen. Despite gender, domestic violence can equally impact both men and women. Regrettably, men may be less likely to report incidents because they feel embarrassed or that their masculinity has been undermined. Domestic violence seldom disappears once it has begun without professional intervention. Victims of domestic violence can receive assistance from local agencies; it is just a matter of taking the first step and contacting these organizations. Remember, no one deserves to be physically or mentally abused and it is never an acceptable practice. If you are a domestic violence victim, please find help for the safety of yourself and your children. Make this your mission for 2011 because you no longer need to suffer in silence.

A 2010 Christmas Rant: Taxes, Homosexuality & Racism

My wife and I had an interesting conversation this morning. We both reminisced about how we could remember when people simply said merry Christmas and no one thought anything about it. Unfortunately, those days have passed. Regarding Christmas, the nativity scene and a few unpleasant words like Christmas, Jesus, in God we trust, and bless you have become evil-speak. I am intrigued by those offended by any words I just mentioned. Apparently they need a little history reminder.

Before our time, millions of Americans died to preserve our rights to: speak freely, bare arms, pay our fair share of taxes, worship as we please, and to choose our own sexuality. Sadly, a disturbing trend of so-called Americans wants to revert back to the days of King George III and remove liberties given to us by the pain and suffering of our ancestors. Since everyone is so offended about the holidays, I want to offer some common sense about a few heated unsettled topics for 2010:

Gays in the military/Gays: As a U.S. Army veteran, I am not opposed to gays in the military or anywhere. When I enlisted, a doctor asked me if I was gay. I had to say no if I wanted to make it to boot camp. Let me share a secret with you—gays have always been in the military—present and past. Like any other profession, you will find gay waiters, pilots, politicians, and musicians. Although I am heterosexual, I don’t have an issue with homosexuals. What others do in their bedrooms doesn’t concern me and shouldn’t concern you. Several years ago, I had a male co-worker who admitted his homosexuality to his parents. Naturally, they overreacted, disowned him and evicted him. So let me get this straight (pun intended): mom and dad always loved him, gave him hugs and kisses, carried him in their arms as a baby, but after discovering what he did in his bedroom, they realized that they didn’t love him after all. Call me foolish, but that’s absurd. People, stop judging and accept others for who they are. If they don’t conform to your religious beliefs, that doesn’t make them imperfect. It only means they disagree with you—and that’s fine.

Merry Christmas: If this offends you, get a life or go find one in Iraq, North Korea, Cuba, or China. But don’t try to take Christmas away from Americans who love the spirit of Christmas. If you don’t like Christmas, then donate your holiday pay to charity and your holiday time off to a soup kitchen. If the worst thing anyone does is wish you a merry Christmas, you must not be worrying about unemployment, taxes, war, death, or your relationship. What a perfect life you must be living.

Racism: Wake up, it will soon be 2011. Why do we still even have racism? Didn’t someone name Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln already proclaim everyone as equals? Although both men have passed, their message is still clear—love your neighbor. Are we even listening?


Welfare/Unemployment: Not everyone who collects unemployment or welfare is a good-for-nothing. For millions of Americans, 2010 will go down as forgettable because banks collapsed, unemployment rose, opportunities withered, and businesses closed their doors forever. With such a bad economy, Americans are experiencing financial problems and homelessness. Don’t judge someone who collects unemployment or government assistance. It’s easy to do for someone with a job and health insurance. Remember this startling fact—you and nearly everyone you know is only a paycheck or two away from losing their home and everything else.


Taxes: The entire tax code is an overcomplicated mess of jargon that needs to be simplified. It’s bad enough that those who create the tax code don’t understand it. And don’t be so hard on the IRS because they only enforce policies created by politicians that you voted into office. The tax system is unfair because some people pay more taxes than others. The only way to create a fair tax system is to create a national sales tax. The law should establish a percentage of sales tax based on cost. For instance, anything under $100 would include a 10% tax and anything from $100 to $500 might carry a 15% tax. This guarantees that everyone will pay the same amount. Additionally, no one would have to file taxes or get arrested for tax evasion except for the businesses that collect taxes. The IRS would then be able to focus on businesses and not individuals. This would be more cost efficient for everyone. So why hasn’t anyone thought of this? Simple, because it will never happen and here’s why: tax breaks are political incentives given to businesses to collect campaign donations and votes. Change the tax system and politicians could no longer incentivize businesses to fund their campaigns.


Health insurance: Yes, it’s unconstitutional to force Americans to pay for health insurance. Sorry, health insurance carries the same God-given right as a driver’s license—none. I can understand legalization of auto insurance because it establishes liability whenever an accident occurs. Here’s what Americans really need—affordable care. Most Americans would purchase health insurance if they could afford it. But most families can’t afford to pay $500-$1,000 monthly insurance premiums. We prefer spending our money on other foolish things like rent, food, clothing, and transportation. If the government would discover what drives insurance rates, they could solve the real problem. But it’s easier to pass a law and force everyone into something they can’t afford.

Well, that’s about it for 2010. I am sure we will have more to address in the upcoming year. Happy 2011!

The Importance of Thanksgiving and Giving Thanks

Sometimes it is important to stop and take time to appreciate the important things in life, how fortunate we are, how blessed to have made it this far. Family is often the one constant in many peoples lives, and even if the relationship has been testing at times, family is often the one part of our lives that cannot be denied. Even when times have been tough there are still things that we can be thankful for and often the tough times are the very reasons for people pulling closer together than before.

An important part of many people's lives is their family. These are the people who know everything about us and accept us anyway. Many families will have had their stressful times. Money worries, divorces, health concerns can test a family to the limits, but often the result is that when they come together again, through the difficulties, the bonds become stronger as a result. They know more about each other, and still continue to love, accept and support each other. Family loyalty is a powerful connection.

And often family are the very people who motivate us to carry on through difficult times, sometimes without the need to say a word. The thought of their support, the desire not to disappoint them or let them down, the thought of how much they have done for us over the years, the sacrifices they have made, can be enough to give us that extra surge of energy, desire and enthusiasm to carry on.

The festival of Thanksgiving is a special time of sharing and appreciation of the family. More Americans travel home for Thanksgiving than for any other festival, including Christmas. It is a quiet indicator of how important family ties are regarded, more important than receiving presents or throwing opulent parties. Many people travel miles simply to share this special meal with their family.

The relevance of stopping for a time to celebrate the bond and connection that you have together is important. However long there may be it is important to acknowledge the different generations as they gather together. Reminiscencing about past experiences, telling anecdotes, sharing news. Remembering not to take family for granted. It is important to demonstrate that these important people matter. Taking the time out of ones regular day-to-day life, knowing that ones whole family is traveling to the family home to share a meal together. Committing to be with parents, siblings, children, communicates with actions that these people are important and are worth the effort involved in making the journey.

Roots, heritage and traditions are often at the heart of many families. Whatever else is going on in people's lives the rest of the year, there is a constant theme and connection of family values, attitudes, outlook which are reinforced with the time spent sharing meals, celebrations, being reunited. Taking time to stop everything else and say 'thank you' with actions says it all.

Susan Leigh is a Counselor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Remembering September 11, 2001

Like the Challenger and the assassination of John F. Kennedy, many of us remember where and what we were doing on September 11, 2001. It was like the day Pearl Harbor was attacked—a day of infamy, a day we will never forget. It was a day of chaos, tragedy and triumph. The American spirit was attacked and has since persevered. All eyes were on America. What would we do? Would we fold up and wither away or unite as a country? It’s been nine years since that tragic day. Much has happened in the past nine years. We have our first African-American president and it is the first time in a twenty year span that we didn’t have a president with the last name of Bush or Clinton.

We have also expended millions of tax dollars and American soldiers in pursuit of Osama Bin Laden, the world’s most feared killer. Not only has this elusive man learned how to avoid capture, he was also intelligent enough to plot the worst terrorist act on American soil, without even being in the country. Bin Laden maliciously planned and executed a plan designed to not only kill innocent Americans, but to throw the American economy into a financial decline that hasn’t been seen since the days of the depression.

The aftermath caused major airlines to take a major hit as people stopped traveling by air. And it wouldn’t be much longer until over inflated property values would take a turn for the worst. Americans began losing their jobs to foreign countries and their homes to foreclosure. The ripple of September 11, 2001 has taken hold of America like an earthquake. Although it has been nine years past, we are still feeling the effects.

What Americans need to do is stay united as a country. We need to support our leaders, keep our faith in God and strive to make America a strong country. I wanted to take a moment of my life to remember those who lost their lives as a result of the events of September 11, 2001.


God Bless and Peace to all, W.Greene

http://www.lettersbeyondheaven.com

http://www.SocialHearts.com

What Our Parents Have Always Known to be True

At 40, I have realized that my parents knew more than what I gave them credit for. Many of us don't listen to our parents because we think they are ancient. Looking back, I realize that my parents gained their wisdom by surviving on common sense and street smarts. I would like to share some things I have learned from them. Maybe you have learned the same lessons from your own parents. You may even be able to share this knowledge with your own children.

• You will look back at the first person to break your heart and laugh at your stupidity.
• If you have sex without using protection, you increase your chances of either becoming a parent or contracting an STD.
• Suicide is selfish: although it ends your problems, it creates sorrow for your friends and family.
• If you don't work, you will never have anything.
• A lottery ticket is a poor person's retirement plan.
• If you don't learn a trade or pursue an education, where you are is where you will be.
• If you are a lazy teenager, you will become a lazy adult.
• If you can't love yourself, you won't love anyone else either.
• If someone in your life is negative, avoid them. Befriend people who will pick you up and carry you when you fall down.
• You have more acquaintances than true friends.
• Family members can cut you deeper than any friend.
• A true friend will pick you up at 2am if your car breaks down.
• No one has time to exercise unless they make the time.
• Your purpose in life is to befriend others.
• Everyone enters the world with nothing and leaves with nothing. Therefore, everyone breaks even.
• When you look at a tombstone, the dates are irrelevant. It's the tiny dash between the numbers that's important.
• There are no atheists in a combat zone. My father learned this in Vietnam.
• Forgive stupid people.
• Karma exists: treat people bad and you will get paid back. Treat others well and you will be blessed.
• Read more, watch less TV.
• Love your pets.
• Love your children.
• Never hit your partner. Keep your hands to yourself.
• Your word means everything.
• Don't watch the news before you go to bed.
• If your children turn out gay, love them anyway because they are still the same person you gently held and protected as an infant.
• Don't meddle in the lives of others.
• You aren't too good to do menial work. Do whatever is legally necessary to financially support your family.
• Show up on time for appointments. It's never acceptable to be "fashionably late."
• Bathe regularly and always use deodorant.
• Never judge anyone by their looks or skin color. Good people come in all different sizes, shapes and colors.
• Say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Respect authority.

W.Greene
http://www.SocialHearts.com
http://www.lettersbeyondheaven.com